I’ve previously only been to one Phish show. I remember it being a good time but, as I tend to go to a lot of shows, I don’t remember it being anything special. I do remember some of the events that played a role in my decision to go this time.

Phish had really been more of my brother’s thing as he’s probably seen them at least 100 times. I saw pictures from my friend Kate’s trip to the Hampton shows on FaceBook & something about how fun and nice these pictures looked planted the seed of interest in my going to one of these things. I looked up the other dates and, while I’ve never seen shows at Red Rocks or the Gorge, I thought that it would be pretty fun to plan a trip to the USNW & Vancouver around the shows. I went to the Monaco EPT before Ashley & Ramsey’s wedding in Ville France Sur La Mere. I met a new friend, Jesse, whose enthusiasm about the band further convinced me that this would be a fun thing to do. I was trying to work out how to coordinate the trip to WA with Burning Man & was running out of options. I didn’t find out that my brother was making a last minute push to go until I had just about pulled the plug on the trip (since spending time with my bro watching this band that he loved was a prime reason I wanted to go). I then just happened to be online when the festival 8 announcement was made & I took it as a sign to shoot for going to it instead of WA since it was taking place only two hours away from me. I purchased my tickets as soon as they went on sale.

Unfortunately, my brother was unable to come out & as late as Friday morning I was having second thoughts about going.

OK, onto the trip

They were scheduled to play 8 sets: 2 on Friday Night; 3 on Saturday; 3 on Sunday (including a first time acoustic set).

I missed the Friday night sets. After getting a about 1/3 of the way there, I realized that I had forgotten my tickets. By the time I doubled back I hit the hardest of LA traffic & wasn’t on schedule to make camp and get to the shows. I had decided to just get there, see the show, & find either a miracle hotel availability or sleep in my car. When I arrived at 10pm, the staff that leads you into the parking lot/security area had already left for the night & I was basically SOL.

I arrived early Saturday morning & had both my Stoli and Sailor Jerry rum confiscated at the campground security check. So far this was not looking like a serendipitous choice.

This changed as I was setting up. I ended up camping next to some very nice people & forgot about the trials of the adventure in getting there. I met up with Kate & clan during the first set and had a great time. We had planned on meeting up later, but as things go at such an event (limited cell phone reception didn’t help) I was unable to meet up with them or any of the other four groups of friends I was looking for. I still had a great night & there were some epic texts. It was a bummer that I didn’t get to meet up with “Stran-jay,” who came all of the way from El Salvador for the show. Or “Mario” who only two days earlier had an Oprah segment taped in his apartment. My costume was “hawaiian chick.”

They played a cover album. “Exile on Main Street” by the Rolling stones for their Halloween cover set. This ended up being a cool choice for me since it was written in Ville France Sur La Mere – the same small seaside town that the wedding in France was in. While not recorded in the same villa as the wedding, the villa it was recorded in seems to have been designed by the same architect & the guys that built the fence around the two villas were likely the same dudes. It was fun. My serendipity meter was in the red.

I was able to meet up with my brother’s partner in crime from The Gorge shows, Eric (& friends), during the acoustic set on Sunday. It was a bummer that I didn’t get to see his Magnum P.I. costume from the night before since I am a huge Magnum P.I. fan. I believe that T.C.’s job of flying people between islands “Island Hoppers” is one of the world’s most perfect career choices.

While I don’t own any albums, & am not really familiar with their songs, I do know one song – “Wilson.” My brother used to play that one on the boombox that he had in the shitty car he drove when I was starting grad school. One day he played it on our way to the movies. When we came back to the car, it had been broken into & the boombox was gone. The last song to be played on that thing was Wilson. This happened to be a turning point in my concert experience. It was apparently a turning point for the band as well since they had previously asked everyone to sit down for the set but it was at the beginning of this song that they changed their mind. This song & the rest of the set were fun & as Eric put it “magical.”

The even more magical stuff happened next. After hanging out with Eric & his friends for a while I realized that I was kind of an extra wheel on a group that was having a pre party in the desert before a very small civil wedding on Wednesday. While they were very welcoming & fun, I felt it best to give ‘em their bonding time & set out on my own.

I next found myself front & center of a crowd of 35000 people. I was right behind a guy taking pictures on the front rail, right in front of Trey. I really can’t describe the details of the type of energetic/energy exchange experience being in the front of such a large crowd receiving a rock band of energy is like, but I recommend that everyone do this at least once in their life. The people were really chill, cool, & happy. There was enough room to dance & was pretty much the opposite of what you’d expect to find in the front of the crowd at a big show. One chick even took off to get beers & made it back to the front (after a long time) with unspilled beers…

While the first set was cool, & I made sure to call my brother between sets, the 8th & final set of the festival was one of the best (if not the best) concert experiences of my life. The band was just obviously having fun & so was the crowd. Quality musicianship was presented with such enthusiasm. There appeared to be a gratefulness about the fact that all of these people had accepted their invitation to their huge party in the desert. Epic, historical, timeless, necessary, & celebration are  words that come to mind.

I checked out some horoscopes & this is what they say:

“November starts with a full moon, so you may be excited about attending a party or other group event that promises to be quite special – even luxurious. This full moon will be in Taurus, a sensuous sign that is associated with good food, flowers, music, special wines – in short, all of life’s pleasures. This event may be a wedding, club event, charity fundraiser, a birthday or anniversary party, or even a beautiful professional event. You may be a guest, organizer, or speaker, or might be taking any other role in this gathering. In fact, you may be an actor in a special production.

As you begin November you seem excited about a very special event that you’ll attend and that will draw many of your friends together. This is all due to the full moon, November 2, in your social eleventh house. There’s a chance there will be lots of people you don’t know, too – if one seems interesting, you could have an opportunity to make a new friend or even get a career tip, thanks to Pluto’s good angle to that full moon. Mars will be in tough angle to that moon, and you may be concerned about the cost of participating. Still, this event seems quite special, so going may be worth the cost.”

That’s about right, but the best way that I can describe it is with a song (ignore the crappy production/entrances ):

Here are the pics:

Here’s a video from the back of the crowd to give you a better perspective on how many people were there:

Reading about the beautiful simplicity of cheese, bread, wine, & the great outdoors leant an interesting perspective to the seemingly endless parade of spoiled Ferraris and couped up Bentleys in Monaco. Aside from its anti-materialism/”figure out what matters at the core of things message” it referenced the teachings of Buddhism in an interesting and distinct narrative. It turns out to be a pretty good primer for anyone interested in learning more about this way of looking at life.

I’m not condoning Buddhism as the only way to think. If anything, I’m condoning “think for yourself” as the only way to think. I actually welcome mature dissenting ideas to my own.  I’m generally not stating absolutes – just what I feel to be the case at the time I’m saying them. Debate & discourse are the ways to progress.

I hope to try to not sound condescending or ahead of myself, yet know that I will feel this at some future point when a wiser Jocelyn reflects upon these notes. I’m just throwing things out there & fully admit that I’m not sure what’s right or not – these are just some things I’m pondering. I invite you to realize that these are just ideas. I strongly invite you to share you own.

 That’s one reason why I’ve finally picked up writing & sharing these things. Another is that I believe that creativity and expression are partly given & partly developed talents –and therefore must be worked upon to be maintained or improved.

I hope to be able to both share some insights into my inner thoughts & beliefs as well as receive some of yours in return.

I also realize that I really haven’t stated any specific concepts or ideas (other than that I find Buddhism interesting & enjoyed this book the second time around) so there’s really not much to discuss here. I guess I’m setting this one up as some sort of primer for future, meaty-er, entries  

In the olden days we woulda maybe discussed stuff over a pot of strong hobo coffee under the night sky on some desolate beach. Nowadays we’ve got Al Gore & countless others like him to thank for the modern marvel of the information superhighway to attempt to do the same.

Probability tells me that this’ll likely end up like one of the thousands of unread blogs floating around the interwebs unless I include a buncha “Brangelina’s”  & “Tom-Kat’s.” That’s ok with me as well I’m just gonna go with whatever evolves (or doesn’t).   

Super-summary: Dharma Bums – a pretty good (re)read.

It turns out that writing a blog is quite a bit more difficult than writing that you have a blog. The realization of this explains the relatively long time between said announcement and the appearance of this first go around. The good thing is that if I accomplish nothing else and this remains whatever a singular of a web log is I will have already delivered the most important thing to be conveyed. You’ve already received the entrée…the rest is (hopefully mostly) gravy.

Maybe I’ll clarify in possible future installments a deeper understanding of my thinking process on the subject of why I know without a doubt that I love you. Right now I’m going with a sort of summary since one of my hardest things to do is finish what I’ve started and I’m determined to finish this entry.

Besides being an actual feeling stemming from the deepest zones of my consciousness, pure unsullied feelings of love for all sentient beings ends up being a huge benefit to me. It eliminates degrees and variables that my mind must process upon meeting someone new. Not having to evaluate my feelings for them provides me the freedom to just enjoy knowing them and absorbing another experience in this awesome, awesome, life. It’s also pretty nice to know that I’m professing my love just to let you know, not because I’m looking for love in return. There’s really a nice freedom that goes with not having to be afraid of letting people know that you love them.  

I’m not saying that I don’t get frustrated with all people (/beings) at some time (myself included & especially). I’m just saying that no matter what, love is the core dominating emotion. You’re probably thinking “yeah, but what about ‘the worst of the worst?’” I’m not going to tarnish the hopefully nice message by introducing specific examples of such, but I think I know what you mean. Well, I just plain believe that there is a good soul at their core. There’s no such thing as “born rotten.” Something happens: drugs; abuse; mental disabilities; situational tragedies; boredom & misdirection; etc…that ends up shaping them into shell of their purer base. This by no way means that they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions/contributions to the total. They clearly misunderstand or are ignorant of the concept that “if we’re all on team love & treat everyone as if you truly know that you love them that we will all universally benefit from it. “

Try to imagine an existence where everyone knows that they love everyone else. It might help to think about some of the issues that arise in our present situation with people not understanding this and imaging them pretty much just going away.  War, abuse, hate: all gone. Try to think about a colony of ants & how without the unquestioned loyalty to the success of the whole they would never be able to accomplish the amazing feats that they do. Now while this illustration may ring a sour core with the individualists & marchers to different drummers out there, it becomes clearer if you replace the objective of the team as a universal love rather than building a colony. While people may disagree about local objectives, working towards a universally loving existence should be a unanimous ideal. The world would just plainly be a better place for everyone if we got rid of hatred.

I’m not by any means saying that I’m perfect (an idealist maybe…). I regularly realize my imperfections &, while I try to better myself as much as I can (I’m always a “Work in Progress”), I realize that perfection is not a realistic nor necessary goal for forward progress. Sometimes forward change comes from large leaps in progress, sometimes it stems from the most miniscule of baby steps. Sometimes large leaps come from the additive pushes they get from a bunch of collective baby steps. That’s why I’m throwing this idea of love out there in my own little way. I get the feeling that there are others who feel the same way or similar and either can’t pin down or don’t know what to do next. I say in addition to practicing a loving existence yourself, try to just get the message of love out there any way that you can.

No matter what our situation in life, every single one of us is blindly searching the darkness with our own little match. If there is a right answer none of us will get there on our match alone.  We need to work together. While getting billions of people to agree may seem impossible, it’s not if we start with a common ground. There are things that all of us feel in the core of our beings are either positive or negative. We all know that love is good & hate is bad. Just like solving a mathematical proof or puzzle it often helps to start with the truths and work it out from there. Let’s all start with the basics, what we know is the absolute truth: “love is good” and work from there. It doesn’t matter if we don’t see a whole path, or sometimes get lost –coming back to a loving existence will bring you back. Think of it as a universally agreed upon meeting place in all of this uncertainty.

I’m not saying remove all armor and cautiousness at this point as there are still those of us that don’t yet know the road to freedom & enlightenment starts on Main Street in Love-ville town square. Just after finishing a draft of this blog & sharing it with someone I found myself in a position where I needed to clarify what I am saying. Yes, I love everyone – but, No, it doesn’t mean that I love spending pieces of my life & time on Earth with everyone (especially those who are not trying to practice a universally loving existence). While I seek to practice tolerance, forgiveness, & understanding at a greater level, I still prefer to live a more harmonious life than one that challenges my devotion to these ideals. I welcome adversarial challenges to my devotion when they arise yet try not to invite them through my door. All of that being said, I’m just really not one of those super smiley happy people and can oft times be a little grumpy . Lots & lots of things frustrate/annoy me. While they don’t affect the underlying feelings of love they  do keep me from being all sunshine & rainbows. I’ll try to work on it, but will likely stay a quietly loving person. I’ll also try to remember, when encountering people whom seem looking to take advantage of a pacifist’s nature, that they are just lost like we’ve all been & that these people especially need to hear the basic message:

    Love is good, hate is bad.                

While I realize that this is an idealization & that I am an imperfect human, I hopefully will be able to live a life that reflects these beliefs as closely as possible.

I’m Jocelyn & my middle name is Electra. While an avid myspacer for the past few years, I’ve now migrated to facebook. Since I’ve been unable to find a blogging application that works well for facebook (as well as a desire to not leave the myspace peeps out cold), I’ve decided to make a new blog on neutral territory!

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of things & am happy to soon be able to report these results & receive feedback/input.

Cheers!

~jocelyn